Read this if you can't find beauty in anything

Maybe you can find beauty in this newsletter?

Hello everyone,

First things first: I did in fact change the name of my newsletter. The “Four Seven Eight” concept was based on the 4-7-8 breathing technique that helps me with anxiety, but I was limiting myself with that format for my newsletter (more on the original newsletter structure here).

I decided that “Stifled Laughter” is the perfect name for my newsletter because sometimes when I’m on here I think, “Oh wow, everyone’s being earnest instead of funny.” Of course there are comedians, and other people for that matter, who have proven that you can be both. This newsletter is just one example of me seeking that balance for myself: stifling my nervous giggles as I face my feelings head-on, while also taking moments to show my funny side, because I’m a comedy writer and a person who likes to make people—including myself—laugh.

Okay, on to the newsletter.

There are a few things in life that I just find beautiful for no reason. Well, actually for very specific reasons. Here are a few that I’ve seen as of late (along with said reasons):

1. I looked across the airshaft of my apartment, and through the window of the neighboring apartment’s hallway, I saw a full garbage bag sitting by the staircase, waiting to be taken out. Something about that moment was so human. Sometimes you put the garbage bag by the stairs and tell yourself you’ll take it out when you go outside, because life is complicated and busy and messy right now. Sometimes it’s so busy and messy that you postpone disposing of the literal mess.

2. I was walking to the store when I passed a restaurant and saw a man and his young son having dinner together in the window. They were smiling and laughing, and they just looked so genuinely happy and filled with love. When I came back from the store, I saw the empty table where they had been seated, with their garbage sort of in a pile, ready to be thrown out. Their two soda cans with straws in them had been pushed against each other, with the straws leaning toward each other. Somehow this image was even sweeter than the father and son themselves, though it would not hold the same significance to me if I hadn’t seen them sitting together.

3. Rats running through the snow. Yes, rats. There’s something kind of beautiful about them having to adapt to the snow like the rest of us—though sadly there is less and less snow due to global warming. They’re certainly more agile than humans when it comes to the ice, which I had to make sure not to slip on the last time I saw a rat. I’ve never been more convinced that rats run the city, and we do not. I fear them and respect them at the same time.

There’s a concept I’ve seen—you guessed it, on TikTok—that has to do with proof of human life. It has a better name than that but I can’t quite remember it (maybe something about “erosion”?), so if anyone knows what this is called, sound off in the comments. It’s existed long before TikTok, I’m sure. It’s about how beautiful and interesting it is to see signs of wear and tear due to things humans have done over time, like a footpath that has been created in a forest, or a dip in a staircase where everyone has stepped. They’re not all about stepping on things, and I’m kicking myself that I can’t recall better examples. But I’m leaving this vague paragraph in here anyway. You’ll see where I’m going with this.

The three observations I listed earlier feel loosely connected to that concept. They’re all proof of humans living their everyday lives. Lives that involve garbage and commitments and family and soda cans and more garbage that surrounds the soda cans. And yes, even the rats are proof of human life, because they feed off of our garbage. Well, I actually don’t have proof that rats wouldn’t survive without humans and our garbage. When I was young, my dad said that when humans are all dead and gone, the roaches and the rodents will outlive us. I guess there’s no way of knowing that for certain because we’ll be gone by then anyway.

And sure, sometimes seeing rats makes me grumble about the people who don’t put the garbage bags inside of actual trashcans, thus attracting rodents, but there’s still something very “big picture” about it that makes me say, “Look at all of us humans and rats and spiders and capybaras sharing the Earth.” There aren’t any capybaras in my neighborhood that I know of, but you can never be too sure. Anyway, shoutout to nature and also garbage.

I hope you’re enjoying the end of the longest January ever. Thanks for reading!

XOXO,
Zola