I have a theory...
Hi everyone, and welcome to another Substack post! I’ve decided that the Four Seven Eight format isn’t going to be an “every single post” thing. I have so many thoughts that I want to share and I feel like that format was limiting me. So maybe I’ll just do it quarterly or something. Look at me, saying “quarterly.” Let’s circle back and take a look at the Q2 numbers when we have more bandwidth and then we can take this offline. Can everyone see my screen?
So what was I thinking of talking about today? Theories. But not actual theories, just the fact that everything is considered a “theory” now. Okay, so maybe two things come to mind. But I’m going to talk about this anyway!
So lately people on TikTok have been making TikToks to demonstrate “hair theory.” What is this, you ask? Literally just the fact that people look different with different hairstyles. And before you think that this has some actual commentary about race, I’ve seen mostly white women and female-presenting people doing this trend. Of course, the whole “professionalism” issue surrounding Black hair is an extremely important topic. I will also give credit where it’s due and say that TikTok user baggybackup made this TikTok talking about this very topic in relation to the “hair theory” trend.
I also saw some people talking about “April theory.” Which apparently just means, March is bad but April is good. Or something like that. Now I’ll admit, I did feel a slight shift to “happy spring vibes” in April. But I’m not going to report that to the official lab of vibes or whatever.
Also within this “April theory” is the out-of-left-field idea that people went through breakups in April? Okay, got it. April is good unless you’re in a relationship in which case your relationship might end. As you can guess, this hasn’t happened to me, because I wasn’t in a relationship to begin with. Going through a breakup without having been in a relationship would be quite a feat. On second thought, maybe I have gone through such a thing at some point in the past, but I digress.
My point is, I think we’re really testing the limits of what counts as a theory here. Which is why I came up with this incomplete list of other things that I’m deciding are theories:
Spring theory: The idea that spring is warmer than winter (currently New York is refuting this theory).
Birthday theory: The idea that you either have a really good birthday or a really bad birthday, unless of course you have a birthday that is somewhere in the middle.
Taste theory: The theory that different foods taste different.
Like theory: The idea that the more likes you get on a social media post, the more excitement you feel (for a brief, fleeting time).
Like like theory: The idea that if someone “like likes” you (as the kids used to say) then you may or may not feel the same way back.
Millennial theory: The idea that now that I’m almost 30 I’m saying things like “as the kids used to say.”
Anyway, I won’t beat a dead horse. If I saw a dead horse I would probably just go “oh no, a dead horse!” and then ask someone else what to do, as I can’t imagine I’d be very resourceful in such a situation.
I hope the beginning of May is treating you well, and if not then I hope things get better!
XOXO and Ex’s and Oh’s by Elle King (remember this bop?),
Zola